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Dnevnik Honda dirkača

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alfaromeo

20 jul 2009, 12:37

Prijavljen dne: 12 nov 2006, 21:59
Objav: 3866

Dnevnik Hondaša:

Vsako jutro ista muzika. Vsak dan usrana ista melodija. Poka po snooz timerju. Še 5 minut imam v dobrem, da malo podremam. Minutke minejo vse prehitro. Ti-ti-ti-tit … poka po OFF timerju. Tko! Kaj bomo počeli danes? Obeta se lepo vreme oziroma, če pogledam čez okno je za 12 uro kar lepo razvit dan. Najboljš da grem nekam na jutranjo kafo in se mal k sebi spravim. Muce ne bojo čakale cel dan, da se pokažem … da se vidi moj lepo spucani avtek. Tolk k sem ga včeraj pral, ga že dolgo nisem. Ampak fantje na honda forumu pravijo, da moreš zadevo orenk oprati, ker druga JDM TypeR nalepka zelo slabo prime. Kar pa seveda nebi hotu, pa pri ploh gasu na avtocesti zadeva odleti. Uff, me spomni na štorijo z ledicami na šobah za brisalce. Never again. Itak mi pa modre niso ble všeč. Te dvojne rdeče, ki smo jih kupili v group buy-u pri A3M-u so velik bolj JDM. Kava sem reku … ja. Lepo se sprehodim do avta in na moje presenečenje je večino folka že pokonc. Čeprav mam filing da me neki ignorirajo. Hmm, lahko da me samo ne opazijo. Na dalinca lepo odklenem avto – sem si kupu onega iz muvijev blip-blip style in zraven sem dobil še štiri nalepke. Dve za na šipo, dve sem pa prilepil pod ogledala. Takoj zraven GReddy in seveda nad A3M. Mi jih pa kolega VTEC_KillZ_Ya iz www.Honda-0WnZ.com foruma rihta še od A'pexija, DC sports, Spoon, Mugen, Tein in Motec. Sem si pa iz www.honda-l33t-parts.jp naroču še Kromane TypeR napise in iz www.bmw-fans.de naroču še M-značke, da jih prlimam na M3-style blatnike. Al pa jih bom dal mogoče clo na M3 style špegle.

Anyway avto kresnem, vžge v prvo – valda sej je honda, sej ni važn al je črna al je blonda, važn da je Honda! Kaj to lepo prede. Res. Kdaj bojo ostali dojel, da ni važn kaj nardijo –M6, M5, M3, RS4, RS kar češ … nimajo za burek. Lahko da grejo nekateri izmed teh avtov hitreje, ampak na koncu je Honda še vedno hitrejša. Drgač gremo loh pa dragat.
Ker od sosedov še zmeri vsi neki svojga delajo sem avto nažgal na blokado rrRRRnnn-N-N-N-Nnnnnn, rrrrRRR-N-N-N-N-NnnnN-N-N-Nnnnnnn. Hehe, tko vidš, nek se me vidi. In ko **** Jožo od Toneta itak ne šteka Honde in njeno skimavanje z glavo si sam v rit utaknem. Da ne govorim o sinu, ki misli, da je boga za jajca prjel, če me je zadnč stresu s tistim Cliotom RS-om. Itak sem mel še 1/4 gasa frej, tko da itak nima za burek prot meni. Sam jest se na tko nizek nivo z njim ne bom več spuščal.

No, cagar se je z nule že premaknu, tko da je čist zdrav, da ga pohodm. Lepo se zapeljem počas do ceste. Prva. Obrati na 7.000 (to pa zato, da čimprej vtec zagrab). Noga dol s kuplenge … druga … VTAAAAK. Gut, gut. Sam bom moru res en dan v A3M-u Tenzo-R zadnji loncu uzet. EK_Vtec iz foruma ma ful hud sound. Sploh k ga u blokado nažiga, mu še ognji ven sekajo. Mam pa jest fršterkraj, da se lohka on skrije. Nej folk sliš kok to seka. Pump up the volume. La-la-la-la … Drugarice,lazljivice kako si mogla da budes s njim … Uuu, lejga modela … Kaj ma to? E30. Pa kir hud wing! f**. Čeprav mam jest luxuske ful hudejše kot on, se pa tale moj wing od Integre TypeR se lohka skrije. Kaj ma to? WingWest. H0nda_PWR prav da lohka z WingWestom ziher ene 20 več prpičiš u ovink, pa končna gre tut mal gor. Tam za ene 30-40 kilometrov na uro. Sej pravm, vredn svojga dnarja. Bom jest lepo zraven parkiru. [censored], sej sem prbremzu na polno … kva je model gluh al kaj? E, da vidmo zdej … rrrrRRN-N-Nnnnn.

Med pitjem kavice sem študiral, če bi se malo v mesto zapeljal. Playa pa to. Bejbik je ziher neki uzun. Točno, pa usput se lahko zapeljem do Tint-0wnage, da prepikneva vse mehurče v krom foliji. Zadnja šipa na najhujša. Še dobr da sem mel Pioneer nalepko, sem jo kr čez vrgu. Tko da se ful manj porajta. Pa Slavc mi je tud še dolžen rdeči R za car tattoo. Bohve kaj si more folk mislit k gleda na boku rdeč napis Honda Type … haha. Ja nč, najbolj da tole kavico posrebam in pičim.

-//later that day//-

No in tha city je res neki mucic. Xenonke, bom lepo dolge dal - hvalabogu, da sem si ubodu lepo bi-xenon. Evo pa še meglenke, avto iber zažge zgleda k da bi mel ene 100 konju več. Najprej se zapelem lepo pred Rolla mal podriftat. Z drugo prestavo je že kr j***, ker avto preveč leti po rondoju, če bi pa rad blokado prseku, pa zih odletiš v maline. Zato daš lepo u prvo, pa se sam na blokadi pa z ročno okol zapeleš. Garantirano te vsi iz stolov pred Rollom bulijo. Pol pa samo dol z rondoja s prvo do blokade, poka v drugo in maš Elvis has left the building with JDM style! Yeah!
No med kruzanjem sem porajtu, da je prekleto velik čapcev. Ne vem od kje so se vzel? Majo zbor al kaj? Sami VR-i. Sej ne rečem več k štirje cilindi se kr hudi slišjo, ampak, ko pr Hondi VTEC odpre … pfuuuu, se loh sam skrije. Navadno se že kul sliš, ampak ono pravo je pa konusni športni filter. Čeprav more bit tisti racing BMC, ki ga ma NSX-Killer res huda zadeva. Ker tle men zdej verjetn ful vleče toplega zraka in ziher zgubim ene 15 konju na račun tega. No ja, krom špegli, TypeR cam cover, JDM maska in nalepka za tank dajo neki tega nazaj … kaj jest vem, recimo dobrih 10 konjev, ampak to še zmer ni to. Ni optimalno ane. Sej CAI je bla dobra alternativa, sam se pa avta ne sliš … kr neki no, se valda more slišat, k vtec preklop. Lej ga z VR-om. Temule bom pa prepih naredu. Ja [censored], najbolj da se uleže u avtu. Model greva en drag, a? RrrrnnnNN-N-N-N-nnnn. Aha, porajtu, bo bo. Zelena, zelena … dejmo 7.000 obratov. ZELENA! Dejmo vtec, to vtaaaaaak, JiiiiiiHaaaaa. Tretja … *****, model gre [censored]. Dej jest bom to spustu, sramota [censored]. Pa ne še to. Rdeča na semaforju …. Ne morš no. Itak, šajbo dol. Jao. In kaj hoče zdej? Če ga znam do konca pohodt?

»Ma ne stari ej. Uspredi smo dal nou spojler gor, pa ni še čist suh, pa mal cvikam, da ga ne bi odlomu. Pa čakam, da turbino dobim od GReddyja. Optimizacijo pa fuel mapo od P0W4H mam pa že narjeno za turbino, tko da mi mal zaliva motor. Drgač, bi te sprašil za šalo«

Ja vhateva model. Grem jest tle kr lepo levo. Klinc ga gleda. [censored] ma zih pol motorja pozamenjanega. U lej, bingec. Tega pa bomo ane. Sam rdečo morm počakat. Aha …

»Kwa je stari? Kwa maš to? Bingo al kwa?«

RnnnnN-N-N-Nnnn lepo blokado stisnem.

»Ne stari. Tole je pr men klasika. Sam sesalni kolektor sem dal od TypeR-e gor, izpušnega mam od DC sports, feltne so kopija Enkei-a iz A3M-a, odbijači so pa replike Mugna.«

Kaj suva če je TypeR …

»Ne ni TypeR, sam nalepke sem dal gor, ker po specifikacijah, bi mogu jest s temle TypeR-a stisnit dol. Sem isku značke od SuperTypeR sam se ne dobi. Dej model greva en drag, če si upaš. Zdele sem lih enga VR-a sprašil … no ja, na konc sem spustu, k sva dosegla že nenormalne hitrosti, pa še copsi so se nasprot pelal.«

Eh, pusi noče dragat. Valda, cvika ane. No lih gut. Tamle so bejbike, da jim pokažem hudiča z mojim strojem. Na polno bom zdele štartu, ma da kople ko svina. RnnnnN-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N …prva je cvilila do konca, škrip u drugo … čaki. Kwa je zdej to. U prazn se zavrti. RrrnN-N-N-Nnnnn. f** ne, pa še copsi. f**, f**. Ne me .

No, po ugotovitvi, da je šla sklopka pa polosovina u Hondina nebesa (če nebi unga k****** ponaredka uzel in bi dal notr JDM EuroR by Spoon se to ziher ne bi nardil) in po slabi uri pregovarjanja s policaji so mi prasci uzel tablice in verjetn lahko zadevo sam tam pustim. Ni varijante da dobim papirje. Bom mogu mal na forumu povprašat. FuriousHonda se je neki hvalu da loh zrihta. Upam, da se bo zadeva uredila. Drgač bom pa uzel navadno školjko pa iz Japonske naroču sprednji konec TypeR, iz USA pa lahko dobim dele za zadi od HardCore performance, tle ni panike, ker se da full JDM konverzija nardit ………

Na vrh

Krchan

20 jul 2009, 12:56

Član #893
Prijavljen dne: 05 okt 2008, 18:50
Lokacija: Krško
Objav: 1259

Ha, ha, ha! Dobra!

Na vrh

RollingStone

20 jul 2009, 13:16

Prijavljen dne: 13 nov 2006, 12:12
Objav: 1965

Hehe hudo. When VTEC kicks in yo.

Na vrh

RollingStone

20 jul 2009, 13:20

Prijavljen dne: 13 nov 2006, 12:12
Objav: 1965

Eto, še ena na ˝sosedovega mulca s hondo˝...

This is a true story. I swear Im not making any of this up. ....and you may very well see the car and laugh your ass off as well.

So Im a car enthusiast, and part time auto mechanic who helps the neighbors out with thier cars. Hey, ive got a little knowledge, been doing this for a few years, and Ive got a great set of tools. I have a rather fast and rare early 70s hobby car that i take out on weekends, an oldsmobile 442.

So anyway. My neighbors kid turns 17, and the mother gives him her honda civic.
Say it out loud now with me. Honda civic.

Plastic and aluminum, 75 horsepower, basic commuter car, honda civic.

"perfect for a new driver, economical, easy to maintain and dependable a good basic car for junior," i thought to myself.

The first week was fine, he bought spinning hubcaps and a set of dragon seat covers for it. That should have been it. He should have left it alone.

The week after that, I walk out to my mailbox, and I almost called the cops. I thought I had just seen a UFO. as it slowly approached.....i could see it was a HONDA CIVIC.....with four different blinking colors of neon underneath it. Holy shit. I almost had a fucking siezure looking at this thing. Even the shifter knob was blinking.

.....Then about 48 hours later, Im laying in bed, about ready to fuck my girlfriend when I hear BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ-owwww. BZZZZ-owww. over and over in the neighbors garage.
"Well this is an odd time of night for Mr. Richardson to be fucking around with his chainsaw." I thought out loud. After forty five minutes of this irritating buzzing, I thought Id go over and ask the neighbor to play with his chainsaw in the morning.
Here is the junior richardson boy, proudly revving his engine up and down. 4 more wannabe fake gangsta kids were standing around "tuning" his new exhaust.....which consisted of a rather small header and 4 coffee cans spray painted silver and the words "TYPE-R" stenciled on it.

Holy shit. I told him to pleae quit fucking with the car so I could sleep.

Wait, that is BY FAR not all.

The following week, he ask me if he can borrow a screwdriver and a hammer. He is installing his new "type r" rear spoiler. He was rather proud of it. He paid almost 600 dollars for it. I asked him where he was going to put it, since a honda civic does not have a trunk. "The roof, dawg" is what he told me.
This spoiuler looks like an aluminum picnic table that you would see in a public park, except for lots of rivets in it and the words "Type R" all over it.
I almost stopped him, but I wanted to see how retarded it would look.
I gleefully helped him install it. Yup, totally retarded. Classic.
He went on to explain to me that he needed it for all of the downforce he needed to maintain traction at supersonic speeds.
4 cylinders.
75 horsepower.
Downforce. Oh my god, what a retard.

It gets better.

2 weeks later, he is asking to borrow my cordless drill.
He just bought a body kit, yo, and heeds to be down fo' shizzle wit da tool dawg to istall it, no wut hes sane, dawg?
Body kit. Pay attention. It gets good here.
So he drills all of the holes, double sided tape and screws this motherfucker to his car, and it REALLY is beginning to look like a space ship. or a an alien life form. Or a circus car. Well, circus, not yet. Thats coming.
heres the problem. The body kit is white. The car is dark green. It looks like a burrito vomit.....and the car is a full 4 inches wider, and 2 inches lower than it was before.
He cant get the doors to open or close properly, because the "body kit, yo" is catching the door jamb. So, always the helpful one, I give him my grinder. That was the coolest, watching this 'tard grind on his new 1200 dollar yo yo word up body kit. word. It was the flyest, dawg.

Circus act part 1.

Now, he decides he wants to "Lower the ride, dog."
I wouldnt let him use my tools, as I was afraid this dumb fuck would blow himself up with what he wanted to do next.
He would cut the coils. dangerous. Unsafe. Stupid.

He succeeded in cutting the coils, but now his new body kit dawg was dragging on the ground. and, to top it all off, the car was bouncing up and down like a carnival ride, effectively ending his neon lighted glory. His type r exhaust was dragging on the ground as well.

You should see how retarded this fucker looks. A huge picnic table on the roof, 2 tone body kit, special kid tailights. blinking, broken neon, stickers all over it, buzzing like a chainsaw on crack, bouncing up and down like a clown car.

Wait, thats not all. now hondtard wants a "syssem, yo." Oh yeah. He pieced together 6 different trashed car stereos, one home streo, and a kraagen auto parts special base speaker, and somehow wired the neon lights (whats left of them) to blink with the beat of the music.
....Except you cant hear the music. You can only hear the bass. ...And it rattles his rooftop spoiler and license plate frame.

Now its REALLY looking AND SOUNDING like a clown car.

Okay. Now for hondtards carbon fiber paint job. He puts a hood scoop from an early 60s mustang on it, and its EMORMOUS. It kind of balanced out the retardeness of the rear spoiler/picnic table.
Then out comes the spray cans. All 18 of them. First, he pulled off his spinning hubcaps, and painted the wheels BLACK. Flat black.
Then he painted the body kit dawg bright, neon yellow.
The rest of the car was painted bright red, with a purple fist turning into a dragon or some shit airbrushed on the doors.

Clown car complete? Not yet.

As I stated previously, I have experience with fast cars. He knows that I can make a car go fast. He comes over with a copy of "honda tuuner guy" magazine, filled with equally retarded looking cars.
He asks me: "Yo dawg, i wanna make dis here b18 goes fast and shit. I was thinkin of an acura V-tec swap or some NOSS"
So i asked him, what exactly do you intend to do with this car? Will you be entering it in the most retarded car contest, or what?
He says: "Naaw, cracka. That shit is be is funny and shit, but I is for reals, for reals. I need to be running in the 12s and making 350 horsepower"
So I asked him: Why dont you save your money and buy a car that already makes 350 horsepower, like a camaro or a GTO or something, instead of trying to make a car with 75 horsepower, that was never intended to go that fast any faster?

"dont be a foo, yo. Everybody knows dat ode skoo shit cant hang" he tells me.
Now Im pissed. Insulted. I said: Lookit here, junior, i'll pull my olds cutlass out of the garage and make your shit look like it was going backwards. No noss, no turbo, no stickers and no body kit is gonna help you beat the "ODE SKOO" cars, DAWG. And the same goes for any of your other retard car driving friends.
Ill have you and your homies wetting your pants with fear before we ever hit second gear. You have 6 grand worth of shit bolted onto a 1000 dollar car that was perfectly good when you got it, and now it looks, sounds and drives like ass. Get the fuck out of my garage.
He looked like he was gonna cry.
He left with a solid "Fuck you dawg, ill beat your old man car with a 150 shot" and he left, trying to pull up his drawers and give me the finger at the same time.

Showdown.

Now I am a responsible adult, and I do not condonne street rascing. However, when faced with a direct insult, challenge, and fuck you, amy man tends to be defensive enough to take a few risks.

Beautiful sunny day. First day Ive had my car out of the garage all winter. I check the fluids. I start the engine. I anticipate a crisp, lively jaunt at mind-bending speeds up the interstate.
I rev my engine, i sip my coffee.

Hondtard heard me revving my engine, and him and 2 of his friends do the same in the driveway. One is a New acura in the pre-clown car stages of molestation, and the other one is junior's moms civic. It sounds like a lawn mower race at the richardsons house. I crank my engine up to 3000 RPM and drown them out.

I climb in my car, check the guages, and idle out into the road.

I look in my rearview, and Im being followed by two bouncing, brightly colored bumping clown cars with backward hat retards pointing in my direction.

I ignore them. Not worth my trouble. Im an adult.

Acuretard and hondtard pass me when I hit the 680 on the left and the right.
Bzzzzzzzz.
Gone. Good. I am halfway to livermore when they blast out of the on ramp and attempt to box me in. acuratard is revving his engine and pointing forward , hondtard is slowing me down in front of me.

Fuck it. Ive had enough.

I stuffed it down into third gear, opened all 455 cubic inches wide open, almost rear-ended hondtard and swerved directly at acuratard.
I broke the rear tires loose at 70 miles an hour, and acuratard was busy downshifting trying to get enough speed up to catch me.

I dusted these little cocksuckers so bad they simply dissappeared. I got off on the livermore exit and waited for them on the on ramp. Some of thier own game. Right back atcha homie.

I let them see me. Then I smoked the tires brutally and violently out of the ramp so that they would know I was pissed and coming for them.

I knew the honda was slow, so i ignored him and brought it down right on the acuras bumper. I got within an inch of this terrified teenagers ass and popped on the high beams and gunned the motor. I mashed the gas i n third and was threatening to bump him. 90, 100, 110....
he couldnt get away from me. he waved for me to pass. hondtard was WAAAAY in the back.
The acura fag was scared, and beaten and he knew it. I pulled alongside.

I motioned for him to roll down his window. I screamed and pointed. He backed way off.

I stuck my finger in the air and screamed fuck you at acura tard, and dumped it, quickly accelerating to 130 MPH until they couldnt see my tailights any more.

Later that evening, as I told my fiancee this story ("your a juvenile asshole, you could have killed those kids and you are going to piss off the neighbors")

I heard two chainsaws idle up very slowly to my house. Holy shit. Its a drive by. These fuckers want to kill me.
A knock on the door.
I answer it, ready to beat some fake gangsta ass if I have to.

They want to see my car now. "Do you have noss?, is it a hemi?"

fags. get lost.

Clown car is still on the road, but now homie g wants to learn all about the "ode skoo"

If you see this car, put a sticker on it. He seems to like them, and thinks they make the car cooler. Then dust his ass once for good measure.

You simply have to see this kids car to believe it. If your car looks retarded and its fast, cool. Then you can look a little fucking special and get away with it. But this thing looks like it was dropped off at the special education shop class and built by retards, and it s not even quick.

In honor of dale "pimpdaddyhustla" richardson, class of 2006 and his clown car, I dedicate this to you. Let me take you for a ride once you feel you are man enough. I see you stepped up to the plate and lost big time. Im willing to help you install the noss and the v-tecs and let you try again.

Na vrh

alfaromeo

21 jul 2009, 10:08

Prijavljen dne: 12 nov 2006, 21:59
Objav: 3866

the real kekc.

Na vrh

Damijan

21 jul 2009, 10:24

Član #30
Prijavljen dne: 13 nov 2006, 09:33
Lokacija: Preshgain
Objav: 1932

alfaromeo je napisal(a): ...

the real kekc.

Who's the real Kekec???